i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
where does the pee come out of this thing
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
