This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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