to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
