you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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