Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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