exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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