Sry I called you an 8
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
