Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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