Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
