Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize