Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And then my night got REAL pukey
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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