hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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