thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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