you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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