He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
