I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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