toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
