just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
