This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize