why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
