I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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