Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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