lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
