your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
