I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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