i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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