Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
