If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
bring money and cleavage
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
