apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It was like giving head to a cactus.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
