really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
