ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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