found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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