Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
