I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
