I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
