I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
