Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i think my cat just said my name.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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