Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
