I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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