Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
