there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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