so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
