dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
