so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Randomize
