It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
