So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
