This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
