I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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