i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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