Me. At least after what I've been through.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
