Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
