Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
