I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
