My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
