you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
