I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
