she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
