I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
