dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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