Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
