the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
