Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I smell stomach acid.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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