Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
