is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
