garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
