What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
