he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i think i have herpe
just one?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Green mimosas i think yes
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
