Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
