No stitches, just platelets and will power
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
