and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
